Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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